So I used to have a friend, she is my classmate too, n now I
just know she has a very different personality compared to me. Everything on me
is totally different compared with her. If she has an introvert personality,
then I’m the extrovert one. At first I thought I've made a good friend with her
because even though I’m an extrovert one it’s not easy for me to get so close
with friends, guess sometimes I’m too picky, so I’m so glad when finally I
could be close with her. I also didn’t know how n when I became close with her than
with other friends. I've never knew that she dislike me even from the beginning
*sometimes I’m less sensitive* I told her everything on my mind, I trust her
more than other friends, till one day I accidentally read her blog n she wrote
a story about me on her blog *wrote that she felt uncomfortable with me, etc* truthfully
I felt sad, disappointed, n else at that time. *ok, I cried a little on that
time* I thought we were good friends, but because I’m less sensitive I didn't know that she felt uncomfortable with me before.
There was a misunderstanding too!! In my perspective if you
were friends then you will do almost everything together with your friends
*because I used to be like that with my high school friends* I’ll accompany you
when you feel sad or happy, we’ll hangout together, do crazy things together,
work together as a team, etc. But it’s not what she thought, she doesn’t think
in that way. She thought I liked to stick with her. To be true it’s not what I
meant, I just thought that she n I could like me n my old friends in high
school. To be honest, yes, I HATE to be ALONE *maybe because I have extrovert
personality or what*.
After I read her post, I sent a text message to her *that’s
so me, I often speak what’s on my mind*. Ok, it’s not like I want to make her
feel more uncomfortable or what, I just want an explanation because I thought
we were friends. I told her that both of us are still friends although maybe we
can’t be as close as before because I don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable
anymore. But after that incident she‘s treating me like I was a sucker/virus or
something like that, she tried to avoiding me. I still try to be friendly with her, I told her that both
of us still can be ordinary friends but her deed, body language, etc told me that she
doesn’t even want to be a friend with me anymore, doesn’t even want to see my
face anymore. Ok, I’m sick with it but I always try to hide my true feeling in
front of her or everyone!! We can’t deny that she n I ever be a good friend
before, I appreciated it a lot, n I just hope she can treat me like she treat
other friends, so hard huh? Ok, I know I used to talk a lot n sometimes it’s
kinda annoying *but that’s my personality*, I’ve never complained everything
about her personality or else, I just tried to understand her because everyone
has their own personality n characters. I tried to accept her with ALL her
personality n character. Am I wrong? I APPRECIATED her with all her decisions,
am I wrong? Is it my fault if I don’t know her real feeling because she never tells
me about her feeling before? YES? Then I’M SO SORRY!! but I'm not the only one who made a mistake here.
I’m a human being too. I make mistakes but I tried to
correcting all my mistakes. No one is perfect, isn’t it? I deserve the 2nd
chance too. Ok, I’m very afraid if I don’t have friends, I hate to be alone, and I’m
different with her. If she’s ok when she’s alone with no friends approaching
her then I’m the opposite. I’m curious that whether she ever thought about my
feeling besides all her feeling? I don’t want anything, I just hope she will
treat me with usual manner.
Conclusion: it’s not like I liked to stick to her anywhere
before, but our perspective is different, n I was wrong when I thought that it’s
similar with my high school life. I’m sorry if I made her feel uncomfortable,
but I just hope she will treat me like usual. Maybe there’s a different
perspective again about what I said earlier, about become “ordinary friend”? ok,
I’m sick with the way she treat me, n maybe she is sick with me too? Sick that she
has to see my face everyday? But can’t she just act like everything is fine? This
world is like a drama n all of us are the actors n actress. I won’t stick at
her anymore even though she treats me more friendly now. I just want to make
everything CLEAR here. I hope this post won’t make new problems for me n for
her. I just want to make everything clear here or maybe I’ll explode if I don’t
expend all my feeling. Sorry n thank you for everything. :)
jeng jeng..
ReplyDeletekayaknya gue tau elo deh. *ketawa setan* oke. gue tau lo dari si oknum yang tengah lo bicarakan disini. mihihihihihi.
first of all. perkenalkan, gue temen sma dia yang selalu urut dada tiap memaklumi dan memahfumi hal-hal aneh yang ada pada dia.
Ada beberapa point yang mau gue bahas disini sebetulnya, tapi bukan. ini bukan kuliah di sore bolong yang indah kok. Gue cuma mau berbagi kisah pertemanan kita.
Dulu. dulu sekali. di masa SMA, oknum memang terkenal orang yang individualis, dia punya cara berpikirnya sendiri yang buat gue sedikit unik, dia sedikit beda sama cewek-cewek lain. Dan jujur aja, kalo lo membayangkan gaya pertemanan (baik) gue dan dia itu seperti indikasi yang lo sebut di atas.
(kemana-mana bareng, mandi bareng, makan suap-suapan, pacaran bareng, make-up bareng, ke sweet seventeen-an bareng) then youre totally wrong. hubungan kita terjaga baik, bukan dengan cara seperti itu. dia percaya gue dan gue percaya dia. dengan cara kita masing-masing.
Kita gak selalu bareng, tapi lo percaya gak? karena chemistry yang entah kenapa terbangun gitu aja, suka ada temen sekelas gue yang bilang "Eh tuh, tuh. pacarnya si marisa." jeng-jeng.
sesuatu banget gak? sesuatu lah. (komen gue ini pasti panjangnya bakal kayak satu postingan blog) gak papa ya. gue kan gak demen cewek imut kecil kek dia, gue lebih suka cowok ngondek brewokan yang macho.
Buat gue oknum itu orang yang percaya diri, dia selalu ngerasa aman dengan dirinya sendiri. Dia nyaman meski dalam situasi dia sendirian, dan gue hargain itu.
jujur tere, gue dan elo punya beberapa kemiripan. gue juga bukan tipikal orang yang suka sendirian, gue bakal nyari lingkup-lingkup sosial yang gak akan bikin gue ngerasa lonely, kalo gue pribadi, gue ngerasa itu karena gue insecure dengan diri gue sendiri.
Ada beberapa waktu, gue lagi butuh fan-fan, gue samperin ke kelasnya (dia IPA, dan gue IPS), dan dia enggak lagi dalem situasi untuk ladenin gue, ya gue mundur. Gue hargain kalo dia memang lagi butuh waktu sendiri. Karena pasti ada saatnya, dia mau dan udah siapin waktu buat kita hangout, kita bisa ngobrol apa aja seputar kegiatan kita. *persis orang pacaran deh pokoknya*
Jadi gue simpulkan, ada beberapa perbedaan persepsi antara elo dan gue seputar menjalin persahabatan. we (gue dan fan-fan) just dont get use to this clingy stuff. we walk alone, and cry together sometimes. but here we are, still having our bond for almost three years.
Ada beberapa tips singkat sih. lo boleh cek blog gue dan cari artikel tentang cewek timun. Well, itu tentang dia. muahahahaha. gue lagi membantu cowok yang mau pedekate sama dia pada waktu itu dengan posting blog soal cewek timun.
dan, lo boleh mulai dengan cari tau interest dia diluar K-pop. karena tbh, dia punya banyak sekali kegemaran yang cukup unik. mulailah mencari tahu. Fan-fan temen yang baik kalo lo ngerti caranya. Tapi saran pribadi gue buat lo, kenapa lo gak coba mendekatkan diri lo gak cuma dengan fan-fan. tapi lihatlah temen-temen sekelas lainnya, gue gak nyangka loh awalnya bisa sahabatan sama si makhluk mungil ini. dia terlalu, lurus buat gue. *gak mau nyontek bla bla bla* gue hidup di dunia IPS, dimana semua temen gue hobi nyontek dan cekikikan di kelas.
Mungkin ada seseorang selain fan-fan di luar sana yang potensial buat jadi best friend forever lo. who knows. tapi gak menutup kemungkinan fan-fan orang itu. jadi, cobalah...
oke sekian wejangan-wejangan asik ala roti. mihihihihi. semoga kamu berhasil tere!
cemungud!
salam roti.
yes, gw juga tau lu karena kita pernah ketemu sekali di kampus, ingat? :)
ReplyDeleteitu dia, gw udah bilang kalo ada perbedaan persepsi di sini. gaya temanan gw sama teman2 gw beda dengan kalian, dan hingga sekarang pun pertemanan gw dan teman2 gw juga masih terjaga dengan baik walaupun udah hampir 6 tahun, of course dengan cara yang gw bilang sebelumnya *walaupun gw dan teman2 gw belum pernah mandi bareng2 dan makan suap2an, mungkin boleh dicoba next time. LOL~ JK* walaupun sekarang gw dan teman2 gw udah pisah2, ga kuliah di kota yang sama, beda kampus, dll tapi kami masih tetap berteman baik. :)
gw selalu mencoba untuk ngertiin setiap pribadi masing-masing orang, gw hargai sifat dan karakter mereka, tapi gw bukan paranormal yang bisa menebak semua perasaan orang disekitar gw begitu aja, gw hanya bisa ngerti/tau kalo emang orang tsb ngomong langsung ke gw, seperti yang gw tulis di atas, gw orangnya less sensitive. ini juga problem buat gw karena kadang2 gw suka kurang peka. -_-a
dan yeah memang ada orang yang blak2an kayak gw bisa ngungkapin hal2 yg disukai atau ga disukai secara langsung, tapi kebanyakan orang ga bisa menyampaikan perasaan mereka langsung karena berbagai faktor, dan gw merasa ini juga merupakan sebuah problem. teman2 gw adalah tipe yang bisa ngomong blak2an dan gw terbiasa dengan hal itu, so kalo mereka ga complain gw merasa semuanya baik2 aja. ternyata orang2 di lingkungan baru gw saat ini ga seperti itu. gw masih harus membiasakan diri dengan lingkungan baru gw saat ini. :)
ok, yang namanya pertemanan itu ga bisa dijalin kalo hanya ada 1 pihak yang berusaha, sedangkan pihak lainnya selalu mencoba menghindar. so, kalau pun gw berusaha cari tau minat fan2, apa itu akan berhasil sementara dia selalu menghindar disaat gw muncul? what do you think? any suggestions?
gw juga udah mencoba buat cari kelompok2 lain yang bisa buat gw ngerasa ga lonely, tapi di sini gw menyadari sesuatu lagi. ternyata gw bukan orang yang bisa masuk ke dalam pertemanan sebuah grup dengan jumlah anggota yang terlalu banyak. gw bisa berteman dengan hanya secuil orang yang buat gw ngerasa nyaman dan gw bisa terus2 sama mereka karena gw merasakan kenyamanan saat bersama mereka. I don't like wandering around from one group to the other one, but I also can't stay in a group that have too much members. sepertinya gw masih dalam tahap pencarian jati diri gw, dan kayaknya gw masih dipersimpangan saat ini. gw juga masih butuh masa adaptasi. seperti yang lu tau, adaptasi ga segampang yang dipikirkan. huehue
untuk yang masalah ga mau nyontek, ga mau kasi contekan, dll gw bisa memaklumi dan menghargai hal itu, karena menurut gw tiap orang punya prinsip yang beda2, termasuk gw, lu dan fan2. FYI, gw jg IPS dan jujur gw juga terbiasa dengan hal2 seperti kerja sama saat ulangan dikelas, heboh2an ga jelas, dll. *buka aib* LOL~
oh iya, gw juga sering baca tulisan2 di blog lu kok. ;)
thank you for your suggestions, I hope it'll turn out well. appreciated your good intention a lot, Marisa. :)